when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
