I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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