We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
