Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
