I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
