YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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