umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
