I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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