Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
