Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize