I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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