I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
