He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm passing your future prison.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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