I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
