i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
