he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
