i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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