Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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