My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
