A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
