i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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