sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i think i just lost a toe
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
