I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
