we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
