I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
