I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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