guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
