What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
