She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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