I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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