im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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