it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
