Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
