Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
