you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize