just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
