i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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