I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
