Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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