I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
