Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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