Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
