First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
