I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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