I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
