My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
