Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
