i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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