I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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