I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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