I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
