so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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