alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
