Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and she was petting her beer can
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
