"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
