A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
