Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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