I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
