you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize