he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Barsexuality is the new black.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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