dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
