she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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