Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
