Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
